One of the aspects concerning my essay that I'm unsatisfied with is the lost of focus. Since there're too many sources and opinions that are related to my topic, it is rather tempting to include everything that I've found out. For some of the paragraphs, especially the conclusion, I may have included some unneccessary points which are not very much related to the topic sentence. I think one of the ways to deal with it is to choose my sources more carefully by evaluating their usefulness in my essay. On the other hand, instead of trying to cover as many points of view as possible, I should focus on 1-2 of them and spend more efforts on analyzing those specific opinions.
Another part that I'm unhappy with is the choice of words. I tried to have more variations in word choice but I kept using the same sets of words, such as 'implementation', 'opinions', 'state', etc. I think the only way to solve this is to look over the thesaurus and try to learn other new words.
For the part about instructors' opinions, I think I can include the views of more people, instead of just mentioning that of 2 professors. By including the points of view of more people, a more comprehensive picture can be drawn. Due to limited time, I only wrote about the opinion of 1 person for each stance (for & against). All I can do now is to put more focus on their individual stance and analyze each of them objectively, such that the analysis can compensate the lack of perspectives.
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